Desperation...

             Every now and again you're caught up in a moment of lets say DESPERATION. Desperation to achieve something. It can be anything (personal views of that particular individual). I think I'm at that very point in my life now. This is when everything you try goes unbelievably wrong. When in the midst of all your fears, pain, agony, worries and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere deep down inside your head you can hear the cries and echo of a shrill voice shouting  'ENOUGH with this bollocks' Prove yourself. 
             Despite the enjoy-life-while-you-can wisdom of Ecclesiastes, I've been mildly depressed. Partly because I'm exhausted and partly because I'm desperate to achieve something before I turn 23. I'm struggling to keep up with my priorities and I feel really despicable.You know the kinda feeling... It's like I'm starving yet at the same time I'm feeling nauseous. I'm striving to achieve something  which I've no idea what it is. Lame I know.I've loads of friends and they try to understand but, how can they understand when I can't even fathom what's erroneous. No one's threatening to kneecap me to achieve the lets say 'indifference' I'm after but still per se. 
          Another thing about desperation is it lures you into a land of dumbness. You can't think properly nor acting smartly. At the moment I'm more or less feeling like the fool 'Roman Abramovich' who apparently is willing to pay £50 million + Anelka for an out of form striker Torres. Desperate people tend to do stupid things. So I've decided to take an offensive against this mild depression about my desperation. Ive become annoyed at it. :P. I'm not sure what the original evolutionary value of this desperation induced depression was but, I can guarantee you this. Mine is not helping me to thing straight, or concentrate on my work or even blog regularly. Bummer I know.
          Because of this so called 'Desperation Induced  Depression'  my brain seems to distancing itself from me. Since my college days (ie- for the past 6 months) I feel like I'm taking a long slow slide into a pool of dumbness and ignorance. Truth is I've become embarrassingly ignorant. If things continue at this rate by my 25th birthday I'll be spending my life watching Koffee with Karan season 7 and drooling into a bucket. *Scary to think*
          My expensive college education is receding into a cloud of haze. I can see this happen right in front of my eyes. Sure, I remember loads of stuff from my college days like the Goodday cookies left open under the desk is edible even after 7 days as long as you don't expect it to be crunchy. But, as for the bona fide book  reading I practically remember nothing. Pathetic!!


         Maybe I'll ponder over these thoughts with a pack of Oreo's and a jug of Coffee. Until then...


PS: Is this even an apt title for this blog or is my ignorance and dumbness taking over my brain??

LOVE- THE MOST PERPLEXING AND ELUSIVE MYSTERY

Love adorns itself;

It seeks to prove inward joy by outward beauty.

Love does not claim possession,

but gives freedom.

Love is an endless mystery,

 for it has nothing else to explain it.

Love's gift cannot be given,

it waits to be accepted.

                                                                                                         Rabindranath Tagore 

                  LOVE is our finest human grace.It is unconditioned by expectation, neediness or the desire to change, control, empower or rescue anyone.Love lets go and never clings. It takes nothing away from us and it multiplies into tens and thousands when we share it. Whatever is true about love is true about each and every one of us. Love and we are just one single miracle. Our very identity is love. It is not something to be achieved It is something that we always were and still are. It is experienced uniquely and differently by each and every one of us.

                 If I speak in the tongues of men and of saints and angels, but have no love, I am only a resounding gong of a clanging bell. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and facts and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, empty oceans, but have no love, I am next to nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and needy surrender my body to the flames, but have no love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the faith and truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 

                      Love is the basis of our lives. It might even be the reason for our very existence. To love and to know love is the single greatest gift we can experience. Despite our great discoveries in maths and science, and after unraveling so many technological feats and queries love still remains a mystery to us. Yet it is something that is so complex and powerful that it guides and  rules our lives. Knowing true love is like being in a state that is tantamount to bliss. It is as close to heaven as we are likely to get in this life. Without it, our lives are reduced to meaningless drudgery, misunderstanding and emptiness.

             

                    Love cannot be forced upon a person. It has to gush out from the bottom of our heart like a eternal spring fountain. It has to flow like a perennial river. Love, because you want to change things. Love will alter the way you see the world and through that, the way the world is. Love, not because you expect something in return. Love what you do. Love to learn new things, to meet and to know others, to understand and to help. Love makes the world go round.

                   Love is the center of our attachments.It is the objective of our lives.Real love asks for nothing in return and wants only to give. Where there is love there is harmony and balance in the world.When there is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home.If there be harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. When there is order in each nation there will be peace in the world. When there is peace in the world there will be love in the heart. Where it is absent there is misunderstanding, hatred, fear, treachery  and jealousy. Unconditional love for one another has nothing to do with sex, exploitation, or subjugation. Real love will not allow these things to operate or function. To love unconditionally is to be completely selfless and focus on others. To be unloved is to be misunderstood, to be discarded. It is to suffer the loneliest of all fates; it is to be less than human, utterly miserable, and disconnected from the world. Love is the force that binds us all and drives us forward.We all possess the gift to love. That gift lies dormant in us and can be ignited at any time. Love costs nothing but it requires courage, belief, and understanding. Fall in love and we have the energy to work day and night, to move mountains. There is a fountain of love energy in every person. Depression, illness, and anxiety can all be battled against with love. Negative thoughts can be changed into positive ones. Love is simply the most powerful force in all our lives. 

                In a real way we are who we are because of the love others have poured upon us. Our origin was in this very dialog of love. We still exists because of love. We are still very much alive because of love. The elusive mystery about  love is that we can show it totally and yet we can never really know how much we love someone or just how intensely we are being loved. It is deeper than we can imagine or ever have imagined. Sometimes a wink , a smile, a touch , a word or a gift can reveals the depth of the love we have never guessed was there. But, not even then do we know the full extent of love , only of its striking , sustaining and momentary manifestations. The limitations is in our minds which do not have the capacity to conceive or appreciate how profound love is.  Love is ineffable. We can never adequately put our love into words  because words are categories of our minds and love is a living experience. That is why love is such a unique mystery. How poignant that we have the intellects inadequate to grasp the most precious of all realities!